History

The news just seem to go from bad to worse, doesn't it? Flicking through the channels can make one clinically depressed. Everyday it's the same old story: crisis here, crisis there, death and despair everywhere… But hold on, what's that? Shhhh… stop your moaning for a second! Yes… about f****n' time!! I think we're saved, my friend.

Finally the real monsters are about to take over from those mere mortals, those pathetic wannabe bad guys only capable of messing things up for the rest of us. It's the day of rockoning, it's the Arockalypse! The end of the world has been replaced by a never-ending party.

Make way for these Five Horsemen (er, make that Horsecreatures, or something…) because they're Bringing Back the Balls to Rock! Lordi has returned having written the third chapter of his nightmare, and this time he has brought some heavy friends along.

This third chapter, The Arockalypse, presents our heroes as leaner and meaner than ever, in more ways than just one. Lordi himself, forever the perfectionist, has kept on sharpening his focus. He really wants to bring his dream-cum-nightmare to life and nothing short of a total bombardment of the senses will do. Leaner and meaner, yes, but the riffs are certainly not de-fleshed nor are the mighty choruses mummified. These songs are made to kick your ass, and then kick it some more. The Night of the Loving Dead is in full swing, baby!

I'm not sure if you can say that the beast has shed some of its baby fat but clearly something has happened. Their appearance is, umm, more streamlined. At least guitar monster Amen has lost most of his clothes and that sure makes the Deadite Girls go Wild! Kalma and Enary on the other hand are gone, vanished into thin air, replaced by Ox and Awa (on bass and keyboards, respectively). There has been no talk of 'musical differences' so it must have been a case of a monster's gotta do what a monster's gotta do, I s'pose… But rest assured, extraterrestrial man- beast drummer Kita has stayed put, solid as a rock.

Originally hailing from Northern Finland, Lordi now resides in that universal nightmare network of sewers, cemetaries and creepy attics. The gruesome collective has swapped the sub-arctic for the subconscious.

Heavy friends, you ask? Oh yes, the poison cherries on top of the cake! Some longtime heroes and fellow travelers of the netherworld have contributed to the Good to be Bad cause. Dee Snider acts as the party's MC, infiltrating the radio broadcast that opens the album (SCG3 Special Report) while his Twisted Sister compadre, guitarist Jay Jay French, guests on Chainsaw Buffet. Former KISS axeman Bruce Kulick delivers a blinding solo on It Snows in Hell and Accept legend Udo Dirkschneider's distinctive voice can be heard on They Only Come Out at Night. It has been rumoured that for once one could see tears in our monsters' eyes…

Just when everything appeared to be business as usual in the Lordi camp - the album finished and all - we're informed that they have been entered into the qualification rounds of the Eurovision Song Contest! I kid you not. Finland, who's claim to Eurovision fame remains a lone 6th place from some 30 years ago might well be tempted to unleash this beast upon the said cosy European institution. Annihilate the whole damn thing once and for all! Brothers and Sisters, let me hear a Hard Rock Hallelujah!!

Lordi and his gang of derelicts have already made appearances in a fair number of European countries, armed with their pyrotechnics, theatrics and that infamous wall of sound. Their motto: always over the top, never under the belt. Good clean fun for everyone (Ha! Ha! Ha!)! Now they're setting their sights further afield. They're out to get you. Just head towards the sound, follow the trail of horror videos, gory cartoons, action dolls and related memorabilia and you will find your way to the Unholy Grail.

The time is now. The day of reckoning. The Arockalypse.

The time to have fun.